Get Your Ex Back, Save Your Marriage And Stop Your Divorce
Get Your Ex Back, Save Your Marriage and Stop Your Divorce: Everything You Need To Know
Your aching heart has brought you here. I've been in your shoes: many sleepless nights, desperate dreams, days spent crying and curling in bed wondering how you're going to survive with a heart so devastatingly crushed, so excruciatingly pained.
The fear. The saltiness of extreme sadness like nothing else you ever imagined or experienced in your life before. The loneliness.
I got it. I have been to hell and back a few dozen times the last 11 months. I know how you're feeling; exactly, every minute of it; the struggle, the maddening conflicting strong currents of emotions, the depression. I've been through it all.
There is nothing that stirs your equilibrium like a love lost.
If you have just broken up with your lover, don't waste as much time as I did suffering terribly. You could master the skills to cope with this agony while at the same time pave the way for him/her to go back to you SOONER! Don't make the same mistake I did that delayed the reconciliation process.
The good news is getting your ex back is perhaps easier to do than you thought. The bad news is it takes a lot of work, not about focusing on the other person: to change him, to be on top of what he's doing, who he's seeing and what you can do to stop him from doing so, to manipulate him, make him think of or want/miss us (though there are techniques to do so but in the long run it's not about any of this), but mainly about working on oneself.
I heard that a lot: work on yourself, focus on yourself. I didn't really get the gist of what it meant -on the most substantive, intuitive level that is- until only recently after months of absolute heartache.
I found the answer: there is only one way to get your ex back to you, i.e. to make yourself happy, content and excited about life. To build your life separate from your ex and find it a source of endless enjoyment. To live life to the fullest. To love yourself first and foremost. To believe that you, for the sake of yourself, deserve to be loved and treated with utmost respect, no more and no less.
You need to turn your life around to get the love you deserve, be it with your ex or with someone else -presumably better.
If you're not happy being with yourself, alone...there is little chance you will get on the reconciliation path with ease. And you need lots of peace of mind to keep yourself on track and sane during this trial and tribulation phase. If you mind is hooked and obsessed toward wanting to be with your ex, you'll be suffering and radiating so much neediness that in turn will translate into an aggravating and imbalanced behavior that will repel him/her.
At one point I even hired a coach to help me deal with myself. Yes, you yourself is your number one enemy in reconciliation process. You are plagued with self-esteem issues, not sure if you're worthy of love enough that your ex will want to go back to you. In your desperation you're doing the very things that drive him/her away further. Only when you can conquer yourself, you can conquer the world (with him in it). That's the timeless message of all sages of all time.
The experience of a broken heart is a life-changing one: the one in which you are forced to grow up fast. Even if you don't get your lover back, you will come out of this a better and wiser person and be a better partner in your future relationship.
You can perhaps deal with all the issues naturally coming up during the split and the efforts of reconciliation yourself with the help of this forum but believe me there is no security like having a coach to wade through this soul-sucking mud together with. It's like having a supporter, a friend, a teacher and a sister who is an expert on relationship issues and who can be detached enough scrutinizing your relationship and both of you and your ex from all different angles and as objectively as possible.
A coach will also assign you projects to do to keep your mind on track and off him/her: the most important part of attracting your ex back. The less you think of your lover, the sooner you'll get him/her back. It sounds ironic and counter-intuitive but you understand it when you are totally absorbed in the enjoyment and peacefulness of the being in the moment; just totally immersed in whatever task at hand.
Remember, we are never too busy not to think of our lovers and there are too many hours in the day/week/month not to have our mind thinking about them. It's a challenge. It's maddening.
It is hard. Super hard. Nobody is saying breaking up is easy to do.
But I understand not everyone can afford coaching and I will try to do my best to write all my experiences here. You can learn different techniques to help yourself cope. Some of the excerpts are part of my upcoming book on the subject.
Please enjoy your stay, be strong and participate. We help ourselves heal by helping others who need support, encouragement, and advice. You can also add me on face book: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang.
Love and light,
Katarina
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Johnny B on -
i saw the post on PI...very good..I am in the post process state of getting Happy..it isn't easy but I am learning
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Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on -
Welcome, Johnny. And thanks for joining.
We are all learning. Take it one day at a time. No expectation, no anticipation.
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Permalink Reply by David James Farrant on -
Ive been through 3 months of enlightenment, its a painful experience but I have found a new way of living, focusing on positives, i found a video by Richard Blackstone which started my journey, then discovered the PI website, now found yoursite and believe it was all through manifestation. Thanks for creating this site and telling us your story, it gives us all more strength to believe.
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Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on
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Welcome, David and my pleasure.
We'll be happy if you share your story with us so we can learn from you. And it's always great to hear from a man's perspective because it seems from my vantage point we women have lots of issues with you guys. We just don't understand you sometimes and I'm sure you feel the same way with us. :)
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Permalink Reply by David James Farrant on
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Well, here i am, my ex and I split over my unreasonable behaviour which was brought on by deep clinical depression, ive been pestering her with texts and online msn but not constantly for the last few weeks, today i picked up the last of my dvds and she told me that if i tried to contact her again in any way she would report me for harrassment, she said i spoilt what could have been a good friendship by being the way I have, while we were discussing this a friend called round and we had to stop the discussion, at that moment i left her house, a little while later i got a text from her telling me that although the discussion was interrupted she had said all she wanted to say and that was it, told me to take care, i sent her a text back saying i didnt blame her and i'd been inconsiderate. Thats how it is now. ive got to let go but i have a positive feeling still that things can turn round, my intuition is telling me to have hope. I believe things could work out in time.
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Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on
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David, I feel for you. I hope you have your depression treated. It's treatable and shouldn't be in the way of you building a meaningful relationship.
As for now, obviously, you should stop all contacts and let things settle down. And again, try to be happy on your own. You can come here for support but at this point you must conquer yourself and deal with your own issues. When you are stronger the door will open again one way or another. And the fact that you have faith in it is a good start. Keep building on it.
Hope you stay strong.
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Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on
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David, I recommend this book: The Mindful Way Through Depression.
Please read it. I think it will help.
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Permalink Reply by David James Farrant on
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Thank you for your advice and kind words Katarina, i'm working on the depression, using many methods to deal with it, have stopped taking antidepressants because i feel they only tend to hide the pain rather than help deal with it, i have counselling sessions organised for the issues that have caused my illness.
I feel i have conquered the majority of the problem, just got to get over the breakup now, am sure my ex will think of me in a better light given time. Thanks for the book reccomendation too, will take a look. Glad i joined, thank you!
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Permalink Reply by David James Farrant on
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Hi Katarina, I hope all is going okay with you in your life, hope all is going good for everyone here, I'm doing okay thanks, much more positive about life, much stronger although i do get the odd melancholy feeling, I still have a gut feeling that my ex and I will be reunited some time in the future, I trust my instincts they are usually right.
I am using positive affirmations and have methods of stopping any negative thoughts.
Ive also lost 28lbs since Christmas which has given me extra spark, getting back into 32" waist jeans is a fantastic achievement for a guy my age lol. Nearly at my happy weight of 150lbs. So yeah getting there, co creating a website which is unique and groundbreaking, pretty soon i will be a completely changed man from the depressed wreck my ex remembers lol.
Thanks for the book reccomendation, will check it out.
Positive thoughts and best wishes to everyone looking for a good outcome in their own lives.
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Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on
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David, I'm glad to hear that. Keep up the momentum, don't let any negative thought beat you down. When that happens, just understand that this, too, shall pass. Our emotions are all very fleeting phenomena.
As soon as you let go of your ex and rebuild your life, she will start coming to you because you'll be far more attractive to her.
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Permalink Reply by David James Farrant on
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Thank you Katarina for your words of great encouragement, you are a very kind and generous person, am working on the other aspects of my life which will positively change the way my ex views me. I feel the energy bubbling up inside me. Thank you for spending the time and enrgy creating this site. Big hugs.
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Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on
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David, had I been not in your shoes, I wouldn't have been here recreating my life and helping others. I would still have languished in my own small lonely world that drove our marriage apart in the first place.
That is turning lemon into lemonade in a nutshell.
I have gained so much personally and spiritually from this break up. Everything happens for a reason and you are the author of that reason.
You need to die to your old self for a rebirth of a new you. And it takes a lot of suffering for that but it's all worth it in the end.
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