Private Coaching, Special Packages To Jumpstart Your Healing And Get Yourself Back

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on February 5, 2010 at 11:41am

Here is the standard questionnaire I use for my private coaching:

Questionnaire

1. age, height, weight
2. education
3. profession
4. hobbies
5. passion
6. your fashion style
7. how many times do you work out a week and what kind of exercise?
8. what do you like doing in your spare time? On weekends?
9. how many relationships have you been in?
10. how do you perceive yourself image-wise? How do you think others perceive you?
11. how many close friends do you have?
12. how often do you socialize?
13. what's the one thing you want most to do? to be? to achieve?
14. do you like traveling/adventure? where and when was your last trip?
15. name one challenge you would like to accomplish?
16. the things you are self-conscious of about yourself? Your body?
17. what do you like most about yourself?
18. what is the worst mistake you have made in your life?
19. how happy are you about your life?
20. what are your goals this year? in 5 years? in 10 years?
21. what books do you like to read? what are you reading?
22. what was the happiest moment in your life? the saddest?
23. what kind of men/women do you like?
24. how was your family life when you were growing up? did you have a happy childhood?
25. what do you like the most about your ex? what don't you like?
26. how busy are you? do you like being busy? how busier/less busy do you think you need to be?
27. what do you want to change about yourself now?
28. what are your issues in relationship?
29. what do you think your issues are in general?
30. how do you feel about sex? what are your hang-ups?
31. how do you feel about casual sex? what is your rule re. sex and dating?
32. where did you meet your ex? and how old is he/she?
33. on the scale of 1-10, how self-confident are you?
34. what were your fondest memories about your ex?
35. what were the things you like to do most with him/her?
36. what makes you uncomfortable about dating?
37. do you feel pressured to have sex sometimes? or not to have sex?
38. how do you think men/women perceive you? Your ex?
39. what do you like most about your body?
40. how was your sex life with your ex? anything you wish were different?

If you want me to suggest an action plan, please don't hesitate to fill it up and email it to me.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by angela on March 19, 2010 at 8:47am

Dear Katrina,
Hope u r fine.
I have done the questionaire and am posting my answers here.
Here is the standard questionnaire I use for my private coaching:

Questionnaire

1. age, height, weight
38 yrs, 5’4’’, 65
2. Education: BSc, post graduation.
3. Profession: working with NHS
4. Hobbies :Movies, Music, workouts
5. Passion: Dancing(salsa, Jazz)
6. your fashion style: whatever I feel most comfortable in.
7. how many times do you work out a week and what kind of exercise?
4-5 (High impact stuff like Body combat, Body attack, Body Jam(dance + cardio)
And Zoomba(Dance )
8. what do you like doing in your spare time? On weekends?
Sight seeing, shopping, movies, lazing around sometimes.
9. how many relationships have you been in?
2
10. how do you perceive yourself image-wise? How do you think others perceive you?
I feel comfortable with my looks but am not very happy with my hair.
Others see me as simple, girl next- door, shy, intellectual, confident, strict.
11. how many close friends do you have?
2
12. how often do you socialize?
Sometimes or whenever I get the opportunity.
13. what's the one thing you want most to do? to be? to achieve?

To be able to meet my mother somehow .I know this is impossible. I lost her in 2008.
She was my closest friend and confidante.
I would like to be at peace with myself.

14. do you like traveling/adventure? where and when was your last trip?
Yes.
I have been exploring places in UK recently.

15. name one challenge you would like to accomplish?
To be able to be more independent emotionally.
16. the things you are self-conscious of about yourself? Your body?
My hair ! I have thin hair now .Once upon a time I had very long and thick hair that people used to admire wherever I went.
17. what do you like most about yourself?
I am very sensitive to the needs of other people. I am able to reach out and help others in their times of distress.

18. what is the worst mistake you have made in your life?
I tend to be quite naive and this goes against me at times.

19. how happy are you about your life?
Feeeling down in the dumps at the moment and very-very confused and lost.
20. what are your goals this year? in 5 years? in 10 years?
To focus on my career and work on my relationship.
5 years: Be married and have children.
10 years: no special plans.
21. what books do you like to read? what are you reading?
Different sorts (fiction, romantic, mysteries)
Currently reading Dracula.
22. what was the happiest moment in your life? the saddest?
Happiest: When I first joined school. It was a wonderful and awesome experience.
I roamed around and visited different classrooms and chatted with the teachers.
Saddest: When I lost my parents.

23. what kind of men/women do you like?
People who are easy going,genuine and like you for what you are.
24. how was your family life when you were growing up? did you have a happy childhood?
Both my parents were very caring and I have some wonderful memories of childhood.
I was pampered quite a lot as I was the youngest in the family.
I had a lot of friends and used to play for hours in the evenings.
25. what do you like the most about your ex? what don't you like?
He made me laugh and I found it very east to communicate with him.
He is suggestive and easily led and sometimes when he is angry he just picks up his things and tries to leave.
26. how busy are you? do you like being busy? how busier/less busy do you think you need to be?
Quite busy from 9 to 5 but I have time for myself over the weekends and in the evenings.
27. what do you want to change about yourself now?
I want to be more outgoing.
28. what are your issues in relationship?
Too much interference from the ex’s family.
29. what do you think your issues are in general?
Not able to trust each other as he has the tendency to discuss personal things with different people and take their advice.
30. how do you feel about sex? what are your hang-ups?
No hang ups
31. how do you feel about casual sex? what is your rule re. sex and dating?
I don’t believe in casual sex.
32. where did you meet your ex? and how old is he/she?
I met him 11 years ago in my home town.
He is 34 yrs.

33. on the scale of 1-10, how self-confident are you?
6
34. what were your fondest memories about your ex?
Exploring new places with him and just watching the sunset together.
35. what were the things you like to do most with him/her?
Gossiping, work outs, dancing ,travelling.

36. what makes you uncomfortable about dating?
Nothing as such.
37. do you feel pressured to have sex sometimes? or not to have sex?
Yes, sometimes I do.
38. how do you think men/women perceive you? Your ex?
People used to think that we lookedgood together and were very happy together.
But some people who were aware of the issues felt he was abusive towards me.
39. what do you like most about your body?
My figure.
40. how was your sex life with your ex? anything you wish were different?
I felt fulfilled with him but he was always craving for more.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on February 20, 2010 at 6:56pm

I have a special deal for any potential client. Before you want to decide if you want to hire me as your coach, I will give you a free 1 hr phone counseling session so you can feel me, whether or not you like my style or we can build a connection. No obligation. If you decide that you don't want to go further, I won't hold it against you.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on March 1, 2010 at 10:34am

I have worked for almost a month with Linda after her breakup (because he couldn't commit) and I'm happy to say she's having a lot of progress when it comes to her self-worth as a woman. She's now more in touch with her feminine sensuality -celebrate it even-, something she had a problem connecting with due to harsh family issues growing up of which she's still in therapy.

I recommended a new hair style, wardrobe, work outs and a bunch of activities (she just went on a ski vacation on her own). She now works out almost every day and has lost a lot of weights. She now dresses more feminine and puts some make up, something she didn't like doing before. She's just so occupied living her full life she doesn't have time to mourn.

Here's her latest upbeat email (she updates me with her progress every day). She's been very good in maintaining no contact rule and a few times it's him who initiated the contact. We're planning an encounter between them soon in which she will surprise him with her new makeover -physically and emotionally- and "seduce" him till he's breathless. It'll be a fun experiment for her (and for me too). :) I encourage her to experiment with dating/ways of meeting guys and just be open to possibilities, having lots of fun in the process while exploring her feminine/sensual side further.

Subject: Transformation Experiment or my midlife crisis!!! Who cares...I am looking better....

Hi!!
Just got home from a full day of shopping and hanging out with my friends! Bought 3 pairs of size 4 jeans and a few nice v neck tops. This weekends are busy for me and did not really have a chance to do the on-line dating stuff ;-(. Did not hear from John I guess he just wanted to see how I respond to him. Well he should contact me if he miss me......let's the experiment start!!! I want him to miss me badly and realize that he actually has feeling for me.

In the meantime, I stay busy---work, dating and have fun with my life. I am so glad that I signed up for sFactor----it is a very safe place for me to let go of my inhibition and explore my own sensuality as a woman. Also, the next is with other guys.

Last night I met up my friends, one of my friends mentioned that I lost a lot of weights and I am glowing!!! Thanks for suggesting the makeover--the workouts, hair, make-up and clothings---did transform me. I am so glad that I did not let myself go after the break-up. I could have gain back my old weight and still wearing my old clothings. So far I managed to get rid of my old size 6 pants and clothings----I think this forced me to stay in shape so that I can fit into my smaller size pants and clothings.
I did not workout at all for the last two days---have been eating out ;-(...tomorrow yoga!!!

My Transformation Experiment for this week is

Sunday-Yoga
Monday-Yoga
Tuesday-Running
Wednesday-Yoga
Thursday-sFactor
Friday-rest (getting my tattoo)
Saturday-rest
Sunday-biking

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on March 4, 2010 at 2:06pm

Just when Linda was wondering why her ex hasn't responded back to her email (he sent it first) and I told her not to worry about it because guys are much slower than girls, she got a phone call from him. Here's her latest email:

Hi Katarina,
Guess what!!! John called today. He sounded like he missed me. He talked about what's going on with him and got really curious about what have I been doing. He kept asking me what type of dance I signed up for....I just said I don't know....that really got his curiousity. He thinks I am doing pole dancing. I am not telling.
Also, he offered to sign me up for a full marathon at Vancouver for May. I told him that I am planning to go to Vegas on that month but will let him know how my schedule look like. Anyway, he sounded like he wants me to go.
Also, I mentioned about my cookbook and he said that he is holding it as a hostage. I told him that eventually he has to cook me something when he is back in town. Sadly, he is not coming back to SF weekly...but until summer. We will see.
Today, I realized that the reason why we broke up had nothing to do about me but it was his business!!!! He was too chicken-shit to tell me that his business comes first before me. It seemed to be so easy for a man to blame on the woman for the failure of the relationship instead on the man's inability to communicate.
I am glad that I did not fall apart instantly after my break-up with him!!!!

Well I checked my May schedule and I can do the Marathon!! Wondering if I should call him or email him?

Good Night,
Linda

I can't promise that they'll be back together, this time in a committed relationship, but she now at least knows how to be happy on her own because she loves herself more than anyone else. One thing I can promise is hough how pleasantly surprised he will be at her personal transformation when they meet again that he will be so intrigued to reevaluate his real feelings for her.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by angela on March 17, 2010 at 3:41pm

Hi Katrina,
Hope you are doing fine.
I would be interested in seeking advice from you over the phone.
Recently my partner of 11 years has left me.I am feeling pretty confused and would really benefit from talking to someone.
Her's hoping you would be able to help me.
Kind regards,
Angela

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on March 17, 2010 at 7:12pm

Angela, can you tell your story in the "general breakup discussion" section? I will address you there before talking to you over the phone. I'd rather have discussion in the forum so others can learn something, unless you want to keep certain things private you can tell me those parts in a private email.

Can you also fill out the questionnaire? Thanks.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by angela on March 19, 2010 at 9:25am

I have been in a relationship for 11 years.
Initially I had a very good bonding with this person but things went a bit downhill when I was introduced to his mother.Around that time I also came to know that he had left his former GF after she got into an argument with his mother.
Things were fine when he was with me and I really enjoyed being with him.He was quite caring and treated me like a princess. But he had problems with his temper and at times when we used to squabble he used to either stop talking with me for a few days or pick up his bags and try to leave.I found this quite unsettling and realized that he could be quite sadistic at times.This was pretty confusing for me.And I also did not know how to deal with this.
However, although I tried to let go and get on with my life I realized that I just could not live without him so I
would always go after him and ended up reinforcing this behaviour.I did not realize at that point in time that I was going to make things so difficult for myself.
About 4 yrs ago he disappeared from home one day after a fight and it took me a long time to trace his whereabouts .But when I found him he returned home readily and things again became fine.
I gradually also came to know that his father had been physically abusive towards his mother when he was younger .His mother has a lot of insecurities herself and she has induced a lot of guilt in him and constanltly tells him that she could not be anything in life 'coz he was a wild child.Sometimes I get the feeling that she does not want him to get married to anyone.
Anyhow, although I love him immensely I felt I needed more time to think about marriage and he was very keen to get married.About 2 years ago we separated temporarily This was just after my mother's death and around that time he had another girl in his life.
However, he came back after some time and told me he could not live without me and wanted to give it another go.
But I wasn't sure as I found it very difficult to trust him and I could not bear the fact that he had an affair with someone.
But he was quite persistent and kept on pursuing me relentlessly.Eventually I gave in and allowed him to stay with me after a period of 5 months.Things were really going well since the past 2 years and I was beginning to trust him again and see a future with him. But I could not tolerate the fact that he would never stand up to me specially when his family was saying nasty things about him. This led to fights and I would end up shouting at him.
On a number of occassions he would also come and find fault with me over various things and I realized this always happened after he had talked with his family.
He tried to show me that he was tolerating my emotional outbursts patiently and kept on asking me for marriage and I requested for some more time.
On 2 occasions I ended up shouting at his mother over the phone after having kept quiet for almost 10 years as I just could not stand her interfernece anymore.
Soon after this he left with his bag and baggage without informing me.
I was able to find him in the next couple of days and although initially he talked with me he refused to come back home and said a lot of nasty things like he never loved me.
I decided to leave him alone but after some days I met him again.Initially I was reluctant to talk with him and I was with a friend who approached him on my behalf .He told the friend that he was not interested in talking about me.
My friend called me on the phone after 15-20 minutes and asked me to come where they were.When I reached that spot my ex took to his heels.He was quite angry, rude and obnoxious and said ,"I don't want to talk with you even for a second.I don't want to see youre face and ran in the opposite direction.
I have decided never to approach him again but am finding it difficult to get on in my life without him and want him back at any cost.
Moreover, I am wondering has he left me permanently or is he just resorting to some sadistic tactics to make me come around to his point of view.
His anger definitely shows that he is punishing me and taking revenge.
Is he wanting me to suffer and die or is he just not wanting to have anything to do with me?
I am just battling with these questions day in and day out and finding it tough to get on with my life.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Katarina Phang on March 19, 2010 at 12:10pm

angela, thanks. I'm on a trip and will end next week. So perhaps I won't be available to talk one on one until next week. Will try to address this later today (need to run for a quick lunch). Can you move this to a new thread on the general breakup discussion forum? Thanks for your patience. Meanwhile try to do something to make yourself feel good.

• ▶ Reply